How Do I Live
by SSidle
Summary: Sweets's newest assignment for the partners brings up more issues than they were ready for.
1. Chapter 1

"Often, the use of a hypothetical situation will allow a person to deal with underlying issues in their relationships. In this case, imagine that your partner has just told you that they were leaving their current position and moving a significant distance away, severing your relationship. I want you both to write a letter to your partner responding to this news. Tell the other how you would feel if they were to leave. You can give it to me in our next session, and we'll go from there."

"Why do we have to pretend we're six and use our imagination? I think I saw this on Mr. Rogers neighborhood once...you remember him Sweets ...bet you still watch him... explains the sweaters.. "

"Booth be nice. But I agree, why do we have to do this? It seems fairly pointless. If one of us were to consider leaving, I'm sure we would talk to the other before making such an important decision."

"Really? You'd ask me about it first?"

"Well, not _ask_, per say. But I would tell you ahead of time so that we could talk and I wouldn't have to leave with any hard feelings between us. Would you ask?"

"Really, Bones. It took me forever to find the diner with the best pie, do you think I'd abandon that?...So, that solves the problem, we're done. Come on Bones."

"You didn't answer the question Booth."

"You know what Bones? I would. Are you happy now?" Booth slumped down in the chair, crossing his arm and turning slightly away from his partner. He was hurt but was trying valiantly to not show it.

"So, it seems we _do_ have an issue here. Dr. Brennan would not ask before severing the partnership, but Agent Booth would. I think this is something you two need to work through. The best way to start would be for you both to write the letters as I said and we can discuss them in your next session."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Ok, I forgot a note in the last chapter, sorry. For one I'd really love to thank my "Booth", spookyfox23, for helping me get into Booth's head and such. I have to say that I sadly don't own Bones...otherwise we'd already have B/B and Hodgela babies.

_Later that evening_

Angela, looking for her friend to tell her goodnight, found Tempe in her office. She was staring off into space, pen in hand, surrounded by balled up pieces of paper, a deep frown on her face.

"Sweetie? Are you ok?" Tempe's head snapped up, she looked around confusedly for a moment before spotting Angela. She shook her head quickly, bringing herself out of her thoughts.

"Oh hello. I'm fine. Why?"

"Bren, you look upset. What's wrong."

"I'm fine, I told you."

"I'm not leaving until you tell me the truth. Spill."

"Why would I want to spill something? It would make a mess." Angela laughed to herself and shook her head at her clueless friend.

"It's an expression. I meant tell me what's on your mind."

"Oh. Then why didn't you just say that?" At her friend's bland look, she continued. "It's just this 'assignment' Dr. Sweets is having us do."

"Oh really. And what is that?"

"He wants Booth and I to write a letter to one another in response to the hypothetical situation he gave us."

"Which is...?"

"We are to write a letter to each other in the context of the other informing us that they were leaving, severing our partnership."

"Well... Are you having trouble writing it then?"

"Yes. I normally have no problem writing letters. But I really have no idea what I would say to Booth in this situation. It's frustrating."

"I'm sure. So, do have anything so far?"

"No. Everything I write seems clinical. I know that Dr. Sweets wants us to say how we would feel. But I just cannot seem to get into the required mindset. I don't see why he is making us do this. we already discussed this in his office."

"And?"

"And what?"

"What did you two say?"

"Oh. We established that while I would simply inform Booth that I'd made the decision to leave, he would come to me to ask for my input beforehand."

"Oh. Not good."

"Yes. Why would Booth come to me before making a decision. I do not control his life."

"No, sweetie. It's not good because you made it sound to him like he has no standing in your life. To him, you said that he means nothing to you."

"That wasn't what I meant! He does have a standing with me, but I am an independent person. I don't need validation to make my own decisions. Not to mention the fact that I worked far to hard for this position to simply leave."

"That's not the point. Sweets is trying to get you guys to understand what you mean to each other. He wants you guys to look at what kind of impact one of you leaving would have. How it would change your environment, so to speak."

"But we are both adult enough to be able to function quite effectively on our own. We would simply go on with our lives if the other was to leave."

"Sure you could both function. But Sweets is trying to get you two to look at the _emotional_ impact you have on each other. Think about how you would _feel_ if Booth left. Go home Bren. Relax. Try listening to some music, read, something to take your mind off this. When you get frustrated, it's better to walk away for a while to clear your head for a while. Try doing whatever you do when you have writers block for your book. It'll help. Just go back to it tomorrow."

"Ok. Thanks Angela. Goodnight."

"'Night Bren. See you tomorrow."

A/N: Thank you for reading! Please tell me what you think! Hugs and (imaginary cause I can't afford the postage) cookies for reviewers!!!! --SSidle--


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I know, the chapters are short. Please just stick with me!

Booth stared at the notepad in front of him they way he might a particularly offensive suspect. He'd been sitting in the same spot for hours, trying to write the stupid letter Sweets was making them do. He was still hurting from what Bones had said during their session today, but he was still trying to convince himself that it didn't mean anything. Of course Bones wouldn't actually ask him before she decided to leave. They were both adults, they didn't need anyone's permission. But still it bothered him that she had said no. It reminded him of the coffee thing. It bothered him, though he told himself it didn't, that she always was making it clear that she thought they only connected through work. He had thought for a long time that it was more than that, that they meant more to one another. Trying to shake himself out of his thoughts, he looked around his office and finally noticed the time. It was after 8! He grabbed his things and made his way out of the now silent Hoover building to his suv.

At home, Booth decided to avoid writing the letter as long as he could. He grabbed a beer and sunk down on the couch, flipping channels aimlessly. After 500 channels and nothing on, Booth's mood took a turn for the worst. He couldn't stop thinking about their meeting with Sweets and that damn letter. With a growl of frustration, he angrily shut the tv off and decided to go to bed early. Hopefully he would feel better after a good night's sleep.

Instead of the peaceful dreamless sleep he had hoped for, Booth's dreams were haunted by awful images of a life without his Bones. He awoke more tired and cranky than he'd been the night before. Haphazardly tossing on his customary suit, he left and made his way to work with plans on avoiding the Jeffersonian, the squints, especially a certain squint, at all costs.

_Like that would ever work out._

A/N: Thanks sooo very much to my reviewers!!!! You guys rock! I promise it won't be too much longer before we get to the letters.

Hugs and such to those who review! --SSidle--


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry this took so long. I have some pretty nasty writer's block! This is the last chapter before we get to the letters, I promise! And, as always, I sadly do not own Bones.

By noon, Booth was so engrossed in the piles of backed up paperwork he never seemed to be able to finish that he didn't hear anyone enter his office. Angela stood in front of the desk a full minute before her patience wore out and she loudly cleared her throat to gain attention. Booth practically jumped out of his chair, but quickly tried to cover his reaction, he had a reputation to uphold after all.

"Angela. I didn't hear you come in. Is something wrong?"

"Not really. I got stuck grabbing lunch for everyone and I thought I'd stop in to see how you were doing on your letter."

He decided to feign innocence to try to get her to drop it. "Letter?"

"Don't play dumb with me, I'm better at it than you. You know full well what letter I'm talking about. The one Sweets is making you guys write."

"Right. I don't see how it's any concern of yours."

"Don't start with me. I have a vested interest in what you write in that letter. My best friend's heart is on the line here and I want to make damn sure it doesn't get broken."

"It's just a stupid assignment from Sweets. It doesn't mean anything. And I resent that you'd think I'd purposely break her heart."

"I didn't say you'd do it on purpose. And what you say in that letter means everything. I know you guys never listen to me when I try to point out what we all see between you, but hear me out this one time. This is your chance. You need to make her understand how you really feel about her. And don't give me the just partners bs. This whole thing has her freaked. You know how she is about people leaving her. She's really struggling and what she really needs right now is assurance from you that you aren't going to leave her. Please don't let this go. She needs this. _You_ need this, I know you do. I really think she's ready now. If you tell her now, she's not going to run. You mean too much to her. This whole 'assignment' is really getting through to her. She's starting to open her eyes to what could be. You need to show her that it's worth it. Don't screw this up. I think that you'll lose her if you do." Without waiting for a response, she turned on her heel and exited the office. Leaving a very conflicted FBI agent behind.

Booth sat there staring into space for a long time, digesting what Angela had said to him. Had she really meant it? Could Bones really want something more? He had long ago realized his feeling for his partner and friend. He knew what he wanted with her, he wanted it all, with her. But could it really become a reality? He slowly got back to his work, not really focusing. He composed his letter to her a million times in his head while he mechanically filled out forms. As soon as he finished, he was out of there, flying home to put his ideas to paper, and his heart out on the line.

A/N: As always, love to my readers/reviewers! Your guys' feedback means so very much!

Hugs and love to reviewers!! --SSidle--


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Finally, to the letters! As always, I sadly do not own Bones. :(

The next day dawned, brining with it a great deal of apprehension for the partners. It was the day of their session with Dr. Sweets. They had poured their hearts out onto paper. It was time to face the music.

They met in the waiting room, but neither said a word. They both clung to the envelopes holding their hearts. Dr. Sweets came to bring them into the office, but his greeting died on his lips at the sight of the incredibly tense situation before him. He instead silently ushered them into the office, taking to proffered envelopes as the went.

He watched with curiosity at the normally boisterous people before him sitting in tense silence, as far away as the could be from one another. Understanding that small talk was not needed, he simply opened the letters and read them to himself before handing them to those whom they were addressed to. The partners shared one quick look between them, then quickly dove into their respective letters.

_Dear Booth,_

_I have to say that I am truly confused as to why you are leaving when you have so much here. Above all, you should know how I would feel about you leaving Parker behind. But this is not the time or place to lecture you on parenting issues._

_I know that it is irrational, but I feel sick when I think about you leaving. Our friendship has come to mean so much to me over these last few years. I'm honestly not sure how I will deal with losing you. Everyone I have ever loved has left me, and I thought that you would be the exception. But unfortunately that is not the case. Just like my parents and brother, you are leaving me on my own._

_I am going to miss our late night work session, Thai food and all. The ones where we start to work, but never seem to get anything done, leaving us to spend hours at a time catching up on the left over paperwork. I will miss the way you work so hard to teach me about the pop culture references that are forever going over my head. I will miss everything about our friendship, even the constant bickering._

_I spent a long time trying to put my feelings on this into words. I am feeling so much right now and I don't know how to explain it all. I'm sad and angry and confused and I feel as though my heart is breaking, even though I know that is a physical impossibility. It was only while writing you this letter that I truly realized how much you mean in my life. I discovered that I have a large number of irrational questions regarding your leaving._

_When dealing with a number of problems at once, I find it helpful to simply list them out so that they can be worked on and answered more effectively._

_How do I get through a night without you? I am so used to the midnight visits with food, the multiple times you come to check that I am ok during a case and to make sure I remembered to lock my door._

_If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be? I'd like to know who is going to teach me about the outside world as you call it. I know that Angela tries to get me out, but you are the only one who has every taken the time to show me everything that my life could be outside of my work. Honestly, without our friendship, I will have no life outside the lab, save for the occasional nights out with Angela._

_How do I ever survive? Who is going to be the one to make sure I leave that lab at a decent hour? Or make sure I eat something? Or drink enough water? Or any of the other things you do to ensure my health and safety each day?_

_When my family left me, I was able to adapt to being alone, to rely only on myself. But you have changed that. I wasn't able to admit it even to myself until now, but i have come to depend on you in my life. It is hard to admit that I am not able to do everything for myself, that I actually need someone in my life. Now that my lifeline, as I've heard it called, is being taken away, I'm not sure how well I will be able to recover. I know that I will still be able to function, but I wonder if I will know how to truly live my life without you here._

_I know that I have always said that I do not believe in the concept of love, but I cannot seem to find any other words to describe the way I feel about you. You are, or were, my partner and best friend and it is only now that you are leaving that I am able to see that there is so much more we could have been. Seeley Booth, I love you. I may be angry and hurt that you are leaving, but I know now that I will always love you. I wish that you would change your mind and remain here, but I know that if you are leaving it is important to you and I have to respect that._

_So goodbye. I don't know what else I can say._

_Love always,_

_Bones_

A/N: Booth's letter is next! Please let me know what you think!

Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed!

Hugs and love to reviewers!! --SSidle--


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Ok, I am beyond sorry for the wait, I got caught up in stuff coming back to school and work. And I know this is short, but I am having a really hard time getting past my writer's block. Oh, and always, I own nothing but my dvd's :(

_Dear Temperance,_

_I know that there's no use trying to convince you to stay. I know that once you make up your mind about something there's no changing it, no matter what anyone says. I will say that I wish you would stay here...with me. Part of you leaving is probably my fault. I would hope that if you knew the way I truly felt you wouldn't leave. But then again it likely would scare you into running anyway. So since you're leaving anyway, I guess I can tell you know, I've got nothing to lose._

_I am sorry that I didn't tell you earlier. I was a coward, and you know how hard that is for me to admit. I was afraid of what you did to me, the power you had. You didn't know it, you've held my heart in your hands since I unknowingly handed you over to a murder and had to save you. You know that I will never forgive myself for that, but since that day you've owned me, heart and soul._

_There have been so many times that I could have told you how I feel, but I've always backed down before I let myself tell you the truth. I should have told you when I gave you 'Jasper', or when we were in Vegas, or especially when we found you and Hodgins alive when you were kidnapped. I have no excuse but my own cowardice. And for that I am sorry. You should have been told every day how much you mean to me, that you are my world. Now I don't really know what I am going to do with myself. I will have to get a transfer into a different department. I couldn't handle working with the squints or going into 'your' lab without you there and stay sane. _

_Temperance Brennan, I love you with all my heart._

_I should have found a way to tell you before this, but theres nothing I can do about it now. I will make sure that one day will be together again and things will be different. So this is not goodbye, just a see you later._

_Yours always,_

_Booth_

A/N: This is probably OOC for Booth, sorry, I tried.

Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed!

Hugs and love to reviewers!! --SSidle--


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: So this is it...the end. How sad... Thank you all so much for sticking with me! By now you should know I don't own Bones, if I did we would have new eps. by now.

Tempe barely had time to finish reading Booth's letter when he tossed hers aside and grabbed her. Before she could even respond his lips were on hers. They poured out 3 years of sexual tension and the undying love they felt for one another into that kiss. Time stopped and the world disappeared. They could have been lip-locked for seconds or years they had no idea. When Sweets loudly cleared his throat uncomfortably, they sprung apart, faces flushed and breathing heavily. They shared a long look that said more than any words ever could convey before they turned as one to the psychologist.

"So I'm guessing you two have come to some sort of realization as a result of this exercise." He was trying valiantly to hide his frank excitement at finally managing what so many people had tried to do, as well as his feelings of being a voyeur at witnessing the hot and heavy kiss.

The partners shared another look addressing Sweets. Tempe took a deep breath, working to calm herself, before speaking.

"Yes. It appears that we were both concealing feelings about the other that were greater than the simple friendship we shared. Now that these feelings have been revealed, we are finally able to act upon them. As you know, I do not put a great deal of stock in psychology, but I will thank you for forcing us to address this. Our feelings were clearly an issue that we have not been able to resolve on our own, but now that we know our affections are reciprocated, I believe it will resolve much of the tension that got us put into therapy in the first place." While she spoke Booth just sat there smiling at her, all the while wondering how the hell she was able to talk like that when he was sure that kiss had made him lose the ability to form words. He was surprised he was even still alive, he had felt like he was burning from the inside out. He suddenly realized that Bones had gotten up and was trying to get his attention.

"Booth?...Booth? Lets go. Do you need me to drive? Since you appear to still be in shock." he snapped out of his reverie.

"No. You are not driving. I'm perfectly capable." _Well that's good_, he thought, _I __**can**__ still talk. _

"Really Booth, are you ever going to let me drive?"

"I did, that one time in LA."

"That doesn't count, I had to threated to report you to Cullen."...

Sweets watched the pair walk out of his office shaking his head and smiling to himself. They just admitted they loved each other and still they walked out bickering about everything and everything. It was good to know they would never change.

A/N: Once more, reviews are love! Thanks again for reading! Hugs and love to everyone who has reviewed! --SSidle--


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